Smiling Clare - Part 44

My next module…

On 23rd June 2014

I don’t recall having mentioned that back at the end of April I bit the bullet and registered for my next module. I figured I might as well make sure I got a place on the module I want to do.

There’s a choice of six modules for the next step in my degree and despite vowing to steer clear of any modules that involve coding (particularly javascript) I’ve picked a module that has a fair amount of computing coding involved. T320 Ebusiness Technologies: Foundations and Practice. To me it sounded the most interesting of the six modules I could choose from. Plus it has the added advantage of having no exam; just an EMA at the end of the module.

I prefer EMAs to exams simply because there is less pressure to be well on a certain day for a specific amount of time. With an EMA I can work in my own time, when I’m feeling my best. It makes planning my time and energy easier.

So come October this year I will be embarking on the next step of my OU journey. My first Level 3 module. Back to a subject I love. A subject that can take quite a toll on my health. But I’ve decided to give it a go, I’m not aiming for a high grade pass…just a pass is enough.

You see I’m not worried about what class of degree I leave The Open University with. To get a degree while living with a debilitating chronic illness will be a massive achievement in itself. I admit there’s a part of me that longs to get the best class of degree I possibly can; and there’s a part of me that always wonders if I’d get better results if I wasn’t ill. However as time has passed and my health has deteriorated since starting my degree journey I’ve come to the realisation that persevering and managing to continue to study, despite being ill, is an achievement. Whatever the marks, a pass is a pass. I’m not doing this degree to help me in a career; it may have been my original intention but right now my health won’t allow it, instead I’m doing it for myself, to prove that I can do better than the single GCSE I managed in school.

Hopefully when the time comes and my health improves it will help me in terms of job prospects. If not, so be it. I’ve already learned an awful lot and put some of it to use in my everyday life. But it’s not just about that, it’s about the things I’m learning about myself in the process as well. At times it feels like I’m achieving the impossible and it makes the struggle worth it. The strength and determination I’m discovering within me, that is what’s proving the most useful to me at the moment.

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RHS Garden Hyde Hall

By Clare

On 19th June 2014

In Photography, Wheelchair

Well another thing has been ticked off my summer bucket list. A visit to RHS Garden Hyde Hall. It’s the first time I’ve been to anywhere like that but I wouldn’t hesitate to go again especially if I had a bit more mobility and independence!

It was lovely to spend the day with my family in such beautiful surroundings and get to indulge in a bit of photography too. Getting there was a bit of an adventure, since it isn’t signposted that well from the main road. However after getting lost once, with a bit of help from the magic smartphone of mine we found the entrance.

Despite the overcast slightly damp start, our optimism for brighter weather paid off and the sun started to break through the clouds. So our raincoats were unnecessary in the end.

The gardens at Hyde Hall are magnificent. I could have spent much longer there taking photos if I had the energy and was a bit more mobile. It was a bitter sweet experience for me in one sense; I loved being out and really enjoyed myself don’t get me wrong, but it also reminded me of my limits. I was in my wheelchair, which meant taking photos required me to ask Dad to stop pushing me or move me to a certain position so I could get the shot I wanted. If I’d been more able I wouldn’t have felt such an awkward ol’ so and so!

We went up to the gardens in the mobility bus (not it’s actual name but that escapes me) because the route up to it is rather steep. My wheelchair managed the gravel topped pavements quite well, although our route round was a bit hit and miss as to whether we would encounter steps or not; these weren’t marked on the map and even if they were I doubt we’d have worked out which route of the map we were on; our map reading skills were not much use in working out where we were in the gardens!

We got back to the shop area on foot (wheels for me) down the steep hill and had a picnic in a picnic area not far from there before setting off on the journey home. All in all we had an enjoyable time there, and like I say I’d like to go back when I’m more mobile and possibly in a different season too. Simply because I love taking photos.

I took over 200 photos on the day so I’m not uploading them all but here’s a select few photos of our time at Hyde Hall for you all to enjoy:

That’s all from me for now, I’m off to continue resting after that mammoth trip out. It never fails to amaze me how tiring just going out for the day in a wheelchair can be!!

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Christmas in June…why not?!

By Clare

On 15th June 2014

In Goals

So this week I ticked another thing off my bucket list of things to do this summer. I built a gingerbread house! I got a kit to do it at Christmas but because I was still studying I couldn’t actually make it at the time. Six months later, study free and I’ve finally built it! Who said Christmas was just in December? I’m enjoying my Christmas gingerbread house in June.

It took me most of the day to complete and I ran out of icing! Plus by the time I’d ‘massaged’ the bag of icing to get it to the required consistency (as told to on the box of the kit) my hands were essentially broken anyway, so my icing wasn’t as neat as it could have been!

Still I enjoyed myself and it is rather tasty. Although a little tough for a tired jaw to chew. It will soon be gone and hopefully next time I buy a gingerbread house kit (or attempt to make one from scratch) I’ll be able to do it at the correct time of year. In the meantime I shall just embrace Christmas in June.

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Adjusting to Life Without Study

By Clare

On 12th June 2014

In ME Awareness

I’ve been looking forward to having summer off since last year when my university module ran through summer with no break. But now it’s here I’m finding it hard to adjust. It’s strange not having to study and having time to do things I’m unable to do while studying. You see normally all my energy goes on study so I can’t do other stuff, stuff I enjoy doing.

Now I have the spare time and more importantly energy I’ve been starting to do some of the things I’ve missed out on during studying this past year, or at least planning to do them. So in good old fashion spoonie style, I have created a bucket list for this summer! There’s a variety of things on there from what people would consider everyday activities like painting shelves to going out for the day to local gardens.

I’ve already ticked one thing off my bucket list: shopping in the city centre. I hadn’t been there for months, but earlier this week I managed it. I spent far too much money really but treated myself. But more importantly I walked pushing my wheelchair for a short distance. And by that I mean about 20 steps! That’s progress. Although it was technically too much and I’ve really paid for it since.

Anyway back to adjusting to life without study. It’s proving harder than I anticipated. While studying I knew my limits, I could only do so much study and so much other activity. Now I’ve started to do activities that involve more physical work (and I don’t mean major physical work; just a bit more walking/moving objects etc.) it seems I don’t know what my limits are.

There’s a big difference between the energy it takes to do mental activities like studying, and the energy it takes to do something that involves both physical and mental activity. Well that’s what I’m finding anyway. Physically my body isn’t up to doing what I want to do even though mentally my brain is. The only way I’ve found out that my body isn’t up to it is by actually trying to do things and pushing past my limits.

So now here I am lying on a garden bench writing this. I managed to make it out to the patio to enjoy some of the lovely weather we’re having in England. Some of the things on my list of things to do may have to wait until my next time off, I improve a heck of a lot more or I find someone willing to stand on a stepladder painting for me! But that’s life. I’ll enjoy what I can do, and a bit of enforced rest while I’m able to watch TV can’t be a bad thing during the grass tennis season!!

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