Smiling Clare

Living Life Within the Limits of Chronic Illness

Category: Goals Page 1 of 4

2018 A Review & 2019 Plans

So it’s been a busy year in 2018, more to do with health stuff than anything else and so my list of goals got somewhat forgotten!

  • Meet some of the fantastic friends I’ve made online through university and M.E. groups. Unfortunately I have yet to manage to arrange this, but it will roll on to 2019 in the hope I will finally be able to arrange meeting up with some of my amazing friends.
  • Finish decorating my room. This one still isn’t quite done but I have made significant progress on this front; the heating is now sorted, another wall painted and shelves painted. There is just a wardrobe left to paint, a little bit of wall where the radiator used to be to paint and a bookcase to find, purchase & build! (Thank goodness I have a lot of help in doing all this!!)
  • Attend the church carol service. Unfortunately due to my health and the plans for Christmas I was unable to attend the church carol service, but there’s always next year.
  • Try and find a suitable job I can do from home and manage with my health. This well and truly failed miserably, in fact I have been forced to admit that right now I am unable to work and started claiming benefits (a nightmare in itself), hopefully my health will improve and I will be able to find something manageable in the future but right now doing anything for more than 20 minutes at a time is ridiculously difficult.

So having gone through all the plans I had which I didn’t manage to do, it’s time for a more positive look at 2018, the highlight of which has got to be being a bridesmaid at my best friend’s wedding! They did so much to accomodate me being able to be there, and although I missed out on seeing their first dance, I did manage the majority of the day. It was well worth the week or so of severe payback which followed!

The other good thing that stands out for 2018 is all the things which have gone on healthwise; referrals to the CFS Clinic (although the experience hasn’t always been positive, see here for more, the Occupational Therapist seems to be understanding and helpful thus far), wheelchair services where I was provided with a wheelchair more suited to my size, and finally a specialist cardiologist in London to investigate the dizzy/fainting spells I get, the current theory being Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome but that appointment isn’t until May 2019 so we’ve got to wait and see what the specialist says.

Now for 2019…

Obviously the some of the goals for 2018 have got to be carried over as I still want to do them:


  • Meet some of the fantastic friends I’ve made online through university and M.E. groups.
  • Finish decorating my room.
  • Attend the church carol service.

But really and truly I need to add a few more which might be easier to achieve too, so…

  • Learn to crochet something other than granny squares
  • Learn Python programming
  • Blog a bit more than I did in 2018, including book reviews and all sorts.

I’m still struggling to think up goals which will be achievable and make the end of the year feel somewhat better than this one does – it would have been nice to be able to cross off at least one of the goals that was on my original list, but here’s to making 2019 a better year than the last.

2018 certainly had it’s challenges but we have muddled through and there have been some wonderful highlights during it too.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year, here’s hoping 2019 brings great things to us all.


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2017 Review, and 2018 plans

I’m sorry for being so quiet in 2017. Unsurprisingly the first half of the year was dedicated to completing the final module of my degree, and since then I simply don’t know where the time has gone!
Back in January I revealed the plans I wanted to achieve for 2017, and now I guess it’s time to see if I have managed to tick them off:
Pass B301 and thus get my degree!  Yes I did it! I passed B301 and gained an Upper-Second Class Honours Degree!!
Graduate from The Open University (Ceremonies are optional but I really want to attend one, just depends where and when I can book one) Ok so I didn’t manage to attend an official ceremony, but I did graduate from The Open University!!
• Meet some of the great friends I’ve made online through university and M.E. groups. Sadly this is one thing I haven’t yet managed to do, and thus will be something I hope to do in 2018.
Walk up the road to the corner shop (or even better the tearoom!). I have done this once or twice on crutches, (but not the tearoom) and also walked a bit of the way back from town using my wheelchair as a walker, so it’s a start. Here’s hoping a bit more walking can be done next year.
• Go to the church carol service again. As I write this ahead of Christmas (I am trying to pace myself! 😉) the plan is to go to the carol service on Sunday. Hopefully I will make it again, I miss going to church but at the moment the carol service is the only service I manage each year.
• Redecorate my bedroom. Well this one is a work in progress, so I don’t feel I can cross it off just yet but the room is being redecorated and beginning to look nicer, although it is frustrating that everything is packed away!
• Start thinking about what I’m going to do post-degree. Every time I start doing this I hit a road block and give up for a while. But I’ll figure it out eventually, it’s just a case of finding something manageable.

Now for 2018 I aim to….

  • Meet some of the fantastic friends I’ve made online through university and M.E. groups.
  • Finish decorating my room.
  • Attend the church carol service.
  • Try and find a suitable job I can do from home and manage with my health.

There’s fewer this year as I have been struggling to think of some which are achiveable. But hey, I can always add to the list throughout the year right?!

Anyway I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas & New Year, here’s to 2018 bringing great things for us all.
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7 Years Hard Work and Now I Have A Degree!!

This post has been a while in the making, although I posted it on my study blog a few weeks ago, I failed to copy it across to here, so here’s an updated version.

Seven years ago I embarked on what I knew would be a challenge, perhaps if I’d known just how tough a challenge it was going to turn into I wouldn’t have taken those first steps, but I did.
In 2010 I signed up to do a degree in Computing and Information Technology with The Open University.

Having only gained a single ‘B’ grade GCSE during secondary school, due to poor health, I wanted to prove to myself (and others) that despite being unwell, I could get an education, much like anyone else. Sure it might take longer, but it could be done. And so I began with a single 30 credit module, M150, Data, Computing and Information in October 2010. I really enjoyed the Javascript and programming aspect of it, however I also realised it wasn’t something I could pursue with my health the way it was. Although back then I was in better health than I am now, the stress of getting code to work and debugging it manually was making my health worse and so I realised programming courses would have to be avoided.

In February 2011 I started T175 Networked Living, it was a required module for a computing degree, and on it’s final presentation. As I was managing M150 so well I figured a few months overlap would be fine. However it turned out two 30 credit modules is an awful lot of work when you have an illness such as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis! And so I had a minor relapse, nothing major but the amount of things I could manage reduced as symptoms increased a little. But I managed, enjoying and completing both modules despite some extra illness to contend with.

It was at this point I made the decision to diversify into a second subject; too many of the computing modules were about programming which I knew I wouldn’t be able to manage, and so I changed my degree to a BSc (honours) in Computing & Information Technology and Business. Beginning with B120 An Introduction to Business Studies another 30 credit module in October 2011. Another enjoyable module, however I did learn that personally I didn’t enjoy studying business as much as I.T.

In May 2012 I began DB123 You and Your Money: Personal Finance in Context (30 credits). This coincided with the end of B120, however it was much more manageable than the overlap I’d encountered with M150 and T175. I learned so much on this module which was relevant to me personally as well as in an unfamiliar business context. It was a really enjoyable module, with the exception of learning about pensions which was just very complicated to understand! By the end of 2012 I had passed both B120 and DB123.

January 2013 things became a lot more challenging; I’d applied for Disabled Students Allowance and received the training for specialist software just as my next module, my first Level 2 and 60 credit one, began, and I was suffering from a severe throat infection. Under doctors orders to rest, I ploughed on reading my module materials, completing the two training sessions and starting my first assignment of T215 Communication and Information Technologies.  As a result I suffered a significant relapse, which left me studying from my bed, only able to be on the computer for short periods of time (which considering the module involved working with audio and video files, creating and editing them, made things extra difficult!). Despite this I managed a Grade 2 Pass, with good assignment scores throughout the module and on the End of Module Assessment too.

And so with 180 credits under my belt, I had reached the halfway point! Something to celebrate, although not too much as that could leave me unable to continue. In October 2013 I began B203 Business Functions in Context. I’d read it was a module with a large workload, and difficult to manage. Little did I know just how difficult that workload would be, with everything else life through at me in the 9 months that followed. On beginning the module I knew it was going to be a tough one, the materials were more advanced and took more time to read and understand, some was dry and staying awake whilst reading it was a challenge. But I persevered, and managed reasonably well for the first few months. Personal circumstances early in 2014 left my health on the rocks with more dips in ability, and in May 2014 when my Gramps passed away I suffered a major relapse.

It was at this point I had a crisis of confidence, I came incredibly close to quitting entirely. With the funeral, my grief, and the relapse which left me struggling with the simplest of tasks, I just didn’t see how I could possibly sit an exam, pass it and go on to get my degree. Some amazing friends and family rallied round and managed to convince me I’d come so far I ought to continue. They were right. I sat my exam at home, with additional arrangements such as rest breaks and extra time, and with the encouragement of my tutor submitted a special circumstances form because the bereavement had affected my ability to revise for the exam. Somehow, and I really don’t know how, I passed. Only just but it was a pass. If you’re a regular reader of this blog you may remember my post about being disappointed, but I rallied and realised I’d passed in what would have been tough circumstances without my health being so awful. A wonderful study buddy in the form of a stuff toy dog called Brian also entered my life at this point, which you can read about here.

I had the summer off to rest and recover a little, slowly building up energy again and doing a few fun things before the new academic year began in October 2014. This marked the beginning of my first Level 3 module, 30 credits, T320 E-Business Technologies Foundations and Practice. A module which saw me have a desk and actually manage to work at it for a time! I loved this module, the practical side especially, despite it being some programming which at times left my health flaring up again, it was incredibly fulfilling; that sense of achievement when the code finally works is amazing! I even managed a weekend away in Skegness while doing this module, something I couldn’t have dreamed of the previous year! However things turned more difficult after that weekend away in March, as in the April my Nan passed away. I really don’t know how I did it, but somehow I continued with my End of Module Assessment despite my grief, another relapse, and her funeral. This time I didn’t submit special circustances, and miraculously I still achieved a distinction grade pass!

I had June to January off, resting, decorating the living room and generally enjoying life a little. My health improved during this time, but come January I picked up a load of viruses and my health plummeted again. February 2016 marked the beginning of my final I.T. module, and penultimate one of my degree: 30 credits, TM470 The Comptuing and I.T. Project. That was another tough module, finding an acceptable project and then completing it while reporting about the management of it. It was completing different to my other modules and more a case of learning project management than anything else. That’s not to say once I started it I didn’t enjoy it – I did. The first few months of coming up with a project, defining the goals and actually getting started were some of the toughest, especially as my health wasn’t playing ball during that time. But as the module progressed, and my health slowly improved again I enjoyed it. In December 2016 I received my results; a Grade 2 Pass, which I was very pleased with.

Three months prior to the results of TM470 coming out I began my final module: B301 Making Sense of Strategy. A 60 credit Level 3 module, with a reputation of being very tough. And the first few months I found it was; my tutor marked harshly and focused on how difficult the course was to pass. The theory was difficult to get my head around, and the core component of critical thinking had been made a lot more complicated than it actually was. With a change of tutor around December, things imoroved immensely – the module suddenly became passable. Critical thinking was explained in such a way I could actually understand what was required in my assignments and thus improve my marks. I can’t explain how much difference having a positive tutor made. I was a nervous wreck about the exam, with my last one having gone so badly, I revised hard and did my utter best to pass it. Sat at home with extra time and rest breaks again, I felt it had gone fairly well and I was confident in most of my answers.

Results came out last Tuesday (July 18th) and I got 55% on the exam. Not the greatest score ever, however the grade boundaries had been lowered quite significantly and so overall I achieved a Grade 2 Pass!

This means, at the end of this 7 year journey, which has involved many moments of self-doubt, questions of why the hell am I doing this to myself,  and a lot of ups and downs with my health, I am graduating with a BSc (honours) in Computing & Information Technology and Business, Upper Second Class.

Yes, despite thinking it was beyond me, I have actually got a 2.1!!! 

To say I am over the moon is an understatement. I still don’t think it has quite sunk in yet, despite the balloon, cards and gifts my friends and family have lovingly given me. This achievement is marred by the knowledge some very special people are no longer here to see the completion of what I satrted. And there is also the disappointment that I am simply not well enough to attend a degree ceremony, but I have had some celebrations at home, with family and friends, as well as an online party for some of my friends who are unwell like me, so they could be part of the celebrations. I’ve got a mortar board and my best friend took some photos of me wearing it, with the scroll tube The Open University kindly sent when I requested a copy of the directory you would receive at a degree ceremony. Alongside some with my parents too. Hopefully I will have copies of those soon so I can display them with pride.

No matter what life throws at you it is perfectly possiby to achieve your dreams, I know at times I thought this was an impossible dream for me but here I am. Despite some significant relapses, difficult times and almost giving up, I have done it, I have achieved my dream! I have no idea what the future holds for me, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to find a job which I can manage with my health as it is, but I’m going to give it a damn good try! To some this may now be old news, but I felt I needed to include it on this blog before I move on to newer things.

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2017, A New Year, Old Plans

I’m sorry for being so quiet in 2016. Unsurprisingly solid study from February onwards saw managing anything other than study a little difficult and so unfortunately this blog had to take a back seat, hence the lateness of this post!

I did however achieve one of my big goals which I think I set back in 2014; on Sunday 18th December 2016 I finally made it to the church carol service! I had to use my wheelchair, and the volume level was a struggle but I did it! And I’m immensely proud of myself.

For 2017 I have a few more plans I’d like to achieve:

• Pass B301 and thus get my degree!
• Graduate from The Open University (Ceremonies are optional but I really want to attend one, just depends where and when I can book one)
• Meet some of the great friends I’ve made online through university and M.E. groups
• Walk up the road to the corner shop (or even better the tearoom!)
• Go to the church carol service again
• Redecorate my bedroom
• Start thinking about what I’m going to do post-degree

Anyway I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas & New Year, here’s to 2017 bringing great things for us all.

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