It’s that time of year again; examinable component time. This year I’m really feeling the pressure, I don’t have an exam but an End of Module Assessment (EMA) although that reduces the pressure a little; I haven’t got to be well enough to complete an exam on a certain day, I’m still finding it difficult.
I think it’s because last year’s module result was lower than I had hoped, if you’re a regular reader you’ll know I only just scraped a pass. At least this year I have had a few months to look at and prepare my EMA which makes up the examinable component of my current module. However similarly to last year, these few months haven’t been without their difficulties, not only has my health declined to the point I’m needing help with basic tasks again, but I’ve also been dealing with the sudden loss of a relative. I have coped better than I did last year, managing to work on my EMA throughout this time, even if it was only little bits at a time. Last year my exam revision plans went to pieces and I seriously considered giving up on my degree altogether. That hasn’t been the case this year.
Yet I still feel a huge amount of pressure on me, all self-inflicted by my perfectionist nature. I know this module result has a big bearing on my overall degree classification, and despite knowing that gaining any class of degree while living with a debilitating illness like M.E. is a major achievement I’m still aiming as high as possible and heaping pressure upon myself. Which in turn causes said illness to cause more debilitating symptoms. But I can’t stop myself.
I’ve accepted getting the highest class of degree is nigh on impossible, and I also know a third class degree with honours is a perfectly possible outcome of what will be seven years hard work. But I also know a 2:2 is achievable. It’ll be tough but it should be possible. And despite my health being a right pain in the…everywhere! I’m still aiming for that.
I’ve still got two modules left to complete after this End of Module Assessment, and they too will have a big influence over my overall degree class. That’s two more years of hard work. Two more years until I complete something I never dreamed I’d be able to. And still I’m beating myself up, making things harder for myself by aiming for a class of degree a healthy person would be proud to achieve. Let alone if they were also dealing with all the symptoms of M.E. that I find myself coping with.
I’m making real progress with my EMA, despite everything that is going on and the pressure I’m heaping on myself. The only thing is I’m not sure I’m writing what they are actually asking for. You know nothing major or anything! I’m hoping that the fact I’ve received good marks for assignments I’ve felt this unsure of in the past is a good omen. But only time will tell.
Anyway with two weeks til deadline day I’m confident there will be a report to submit. Whether it scores highly or not is another matter entirely. All I know is I’ve done my best under some difficult circumstances. That will have to be enough to keep me happy.
Good Luck to any other students going through a similar thing. If you have an exam and want some revision tips you can find my tips from last year here.